(10)
Allow me to explain the gun. My husband has a permit to carry a concealed weapon—in North Dakota. And in his favor, the gun was locked in the glove compartment of his car and was not loaded however, since he didn’t have a permit in MN for the gun that was added to the charges.
I knew nothing about this. (The arrest.) Totally clueless as to what had happened in MN. I’m at home with our children. Actually, had just gotten home from work and was talking to my mom who had been there to watch the kids as they were too young at the time to be left home alone. As I’m talking to my mom the doorbell rings and there on my doorstep are my in-laws, looking distressed and wanting to talk to me. We sat down and they explain they had gotten a call from the Minneapolis police and that Alan was in jail for “Being naked IN the Mall of America and he had a gun!” My mind could hardly process that when they say, “And that’s it. We don’t want him back in the store.”
So much went through my head in a space of a heartbeat. Why hadn’t I been called? Why Alan’s folks? Aren’t the police supposed to call the spouse? Alan doesn’t have a job. What’s going to happen to my children? Are we going to have to live on the street?
I had more anger than I care to admit. I was livid at my husband for what had happened all because of his stupid need to be naked and poor choices. I was angry with his folks for firing their only son and to my way of thinking, they were tossing their grandchildren out into the street and guess what, I’m STILL working through this anger toward the lot of them and yet….yet my husband no longer being employed by his parents is actually for the best. Father and son are oil and water and yet in many ways very alike.
I doubt very much if my husband would have ever told me anything had happened when he was away. In fact, I didn’t hear from him until the next day when he called to let me know he was on the way home. To my credit, I didn’t let on I knew anything had happened. I let him come to me. It’s so much more fun to blast someone when they’re in front of you anyway.
I got to be the one to tell him he’d been fired, and why. I can remember yelling, “What’s it going to take before you wake up? How far into the gutter does God have to take you before you stop this stupid, stupid behavior!?” I was being the voice of God! Yep, I would pound him into the ground with truth. I knew right from wrong and by golly I was going to beat my husband up until he finally stopped the behavior!
Any guesses as to how that worked out for me? Do you think he saw the light? Ha! And believe you me; it wasn’t from lack of trying on my part that prevented the revelation from forming in my husband’s brain. The truth is, I did more hindering than anything, and sometimes I truly believe God sits up in heaven shaking His head and sighing in exasperation because we bumble His work more often than not.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Saturday, January 23, 2010
(9)
It’s easy to say, not so easy to do; this forgiveness business. If you’re a person who can forgive someone you feel has wronged you right away I take my hat off to you! But if you are like me, struggling to forgive someone for a wrong they have done you then allow me to assure you you are NOT alone. Some of the unforgiveness is completely understandable in our eyes. Someone killed your son/daughter, relative; whomever and we want to hate that person with a passion. Until that hate is all we can see. We think of that “bad” person and wish them dead. Wish they die a slow painful death. We HATE them a whole lot more than we could ever possible love them.
But there IS that clause. Forgive US, as WE forgive others.
I am in no way condemning you for your feelings! Please do not receive condemnation though the above statement if you are holding onto unforgiveness for anything. God does not condemn, he lifts us up and wants to see us whole. It’s satin who wants us to be bound up in a bunch of garbage that will keep us from the freedom in Christ God has for each and every one of us.
About eight years ago my husband’s family fired him from their place of business. Was it because he was late for work all the time? Lazy? Countless other reasons you might come up with yet probably won’t hit upon it. No. They fired him because he’d been arrested at the Mall of America for nudity.
I wasn’t happy about that myself because it was the second time in less than two years my husband was arrested for the exact same thing.
Remember I told you my husband was a nudist? I’m slowly beginning to understand this fetish, and I use that word from an American point of view, yet not all American’s share it. There are nudists out there. Some have the freedom of having a beach to go to but here, in North Dakota there isn’t a place.
I also want to explain my husband was not IN the Mall of America. He’d driven up the parking ramp and had parked in an area he considered secluded. Remember, HE considered it secluded. His mentality of, “If I can’t see anyone, they can’t see me,” gets him in trouble every time! He didn’t consider the security cameras. But he wasn’t prancing around in the nude either. He’d stayed in his car, finish lunch, slipped on a pair of sun through shorts—by the way, sun through sorts are SEE through shorts but hubby doesn’t get that concept either. When he looks down at himself he sees the shorts. When he steps out of the vehicle moves to the ledge and looks over the side of the parking ramp with the sun at his back anyone, and that includes the security team watching the camera sees all his glory.
Security arrested him. During a search of his car they discovered a gun, which added to the charges.
It’s easy to say, not so easy to do; this forgiveness business. If you’re a person who can forgive someone you feel has wronged you right away I take my hat off to you! But if you are like me, struggling to forgive someone for a wrong they have done you then allow me to assure you you are NOT alone. Some of the unforgiveness is completely understandable in our eyes. Someone killed your son/daughter, relative; whomever and we want to hate that person with a passion. Until that hate is all we can see. We think of that “bad” person and wish them dead. Wish they die a slow painful death. We HATE them a whole lot more than we could ever possible love them.
But there IS that clause. Forgive US, as WE forgive others.
I am in no way condemning you for your feelings! Please do not receive condemnation though the above statement if you are holding onto unforgiveness for anything. God does not condemn, he lifts us up and wants to see us whole. It’s satin who wants us to be bound up in a bunch of garbage that will keep us from the freedom in Christ God has for each and every one of us.
About eight years ago my husband’s family fired him from their place of business. Was it because he was late for work all the time? Lazy? Countless other reasons you might come up with yet probably won’t hit upon it. No. They fired him because he’d been arrested at the Mall of America for nudity.
I wasn’t happy about that myself because it was the second time in less than two years my husband was arrested for the exact same thing.
Remember I told you my husband was a nudist? I’m slowly beginning to understand this fetish, and I use that word from an American point of view, yet not all American’s share it. There are nudists out there. Some have the freedom of having a beach to go to but here, in North Dakota there isn’t a place.
I also want to explain my husband was not IN the Mall of America. He’d driven up the parking ramp and had parked in an area he considered secluded. Remember, HE considered it secluded. His mentality of, “If I can’t see anyone, they can’t see me,” gets him in trouble every time! He didn’t consider the security cameras. But he wasn’t prancing around in the nude either. He’d stayed in his car, finish lunch, slipped on a pair of sun through shorts—by the way, sun through sorts are SEE through shorts but hubby doesn’t get that concept either. When he looks down at himself he sees the shorts. When he steps out of the vehicle moves to the ledge and looks over the side of the parking ramp with the sun at his back anyone, and that includes the security team watching the camera sees all his glory.
Security arrested him. During a search of his car they discovered a gun, which added to the charges.
Saturday, January 2, 2010
(8)
Have you ever seen the movie The Santa Clause, starring Tim Allan? It’s a great movie. If you haven’t seen it you’ll enjoy a good laugh. If you have seen it you’ve got to watch it again. It’s one we watch every year at Christmas as a family tradition, just as some people watch It’s A Wonderful Life.
Anyway, in the movie The Santa Clause, Santa falls off Scott Calvin’s roof. (The character Mr. Allan plays.) When Scott bends over Santa, checking on him to see if he’s alright, he searches Santa’s pockets, looking for ID because Scott did not believe Santa existed. During the search Scott discovers a business card that says on the front side: SANTA CLAUSE—NORTH POLE. Flipping the card around Scott quickly reads: If something should happen to me, put on my suite. The reindeer will know what to do. Long story short, Scott chooses to put on the suite which leads him on an adventure he doesn’t understand, and once he reaches the North Pole an elf informs him that now he, Scott, is Santa Clause.
“Did you, or did you not read the card,” the elf asks as Scott argues with him over his now being Santa.
“Yeah I read the card,” says Scott.
“Then you’re the new Santa.”
“By putting on the hat and coat you accepted the contract of being the new Santa.”
“What contract?” Scott questions.
“….When you put on the Santa suite you fell subject to the Santa Clause. Not Santa the person, but the Santa Clause; Clause as in the last line of a contract.”
This is the same type of clause when we chose to follow Christ. When we invite Him into our lives we are agreeing to his ‘clause’; conditions, and one of His conditions is stated right there in what people have come to know as The Lord’s Prayer. “Forgive US, AS WE FORGIVE others.”
“Now just one cotton pickin’ minute,” you might be saying right about now. “When I accepted Christ as my Lord and savior I was forgiven of my sins.”
You bet you were. But from that very moment on we continue to sin because it’s human nature.
I don’t know about you, but I know I have sin in my life regardless of how I try to resist. God’s word say’s it is not by my might, but by God’s I will have victory over these areas of struggle and in the meantime, I NEED FORGIVENESS and if I want Him to forgive me I better learn how to forgive other’s because the God clause says it’s not an option. If I want forgiveness, I HAVE to forgive others.
Have you ever seen the movie The Santa Clause, starring Tim Allan? It’s a great movie. If you haven’t seen it you’ll enjoy a good laugh. If you have seen it you’ve got to watch it again. It’s one we watch every year at Christmas as a family tradition, just as some people watch It’s A Wonderful Life.
Anyway, in the movie The Santa Clause, Santa falls off Scott Calvin’s roof. (The character Mr. Allan plays.) When Scott bends over Santa, checking on him to see if he’s alright, he searches Santa’s pockets, looking for ID because Scott did not believe Santa existed. During the search Scott discovers a business card that says on the front side: SANTA CLAUSE—NORTH POLE. Flipping the card around Scott quickly reads: If something should happen to me, put on my suite. The reindeer will know what to do. Long story short, Scott chooses to put on the suite which leads him on an adventure he doesn’t understand, and once he reaches the North Pole an elf informs him that now he, Scott, is Santa Clause.
“Did you, or did you not read the card,” the elf asks as Scott argues with him over his now being Santa.
“Yeah I read the card,” says Scott.
“Then you’re the new Santa.”
“By putting on the hat and coat you accepted the contract of being the new Santa.”
“What contract?” Scott questions.
“….When you put on the Santa suite you fell subject to the Santa Clause. Not Santa the person, but the Santa Clause; Clause as in the last line of a contract.”
This is the same type of clause when we chose to follow Christ. When we invite Him into our lives we are agreeing to his ‘clause’; conditions, and one of His conditions is stated right there in what people have come to know as The Lord’s Prayer. “Forgive US, AS WE FORGIVE others.”
“Now just one cotton pickin’ minute,” you might be saying right about now. “When I accepted Christ as my Lord and savior I was forgiven of my sins.”
You bet you were. But from that very moment on we continue to sin because it’s human nature.
I don’t know about you, but I know I have sin in my life regardless of how I try to resist. God’s word say’s it is not by my might, but by God’s I will have victory over these areas of struggle and in the meantime, I NEED FORGIVENESS and if I want Him to forgive me I better learn how to forgive other’s because the God clause says it’s not an option. If I want forgiveness, I HAVE to forgive others.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
(7)
Did you notice earlier I’d described the toilet as looking as though it were beyond salvation? In a way that’s how many people will view others. A view, I’m ashamed to say, includes most American Christians. (I’ll get into that in one of my other writings.) Alan is a very different person. It is hard for outsiders not to judge him, and harder still for insiders not to write him off. He doesn’t fit the mold we associate with ‘normal’ people, and when he continues in the behavior no one wants to be around him. During those years the expression, “What Would Jesus Do”?—WWJD—was a BIG thing. I heard it all around me and yet these same people, who loved to quote it, didn’t seem to be trying to apply Christ’s actions toward Alan and guess what. Though I didn’t chirp that slogan I was just as guilty as the worst of them because not only was I his wife, I two knew God’s word and God’s word commands us (it’s not a suggestion) that we love one another, just as He loves us.
Well, you can bet your sweet biffy I have been guilty of the judgmental, I’m better than the next guy because I know God’s word and I’m right, damn it, attitude and it’s not the attitude of Christ He wants us to have. No one sees Jesus in us when we’re so spiritual it could cause Tylenol to have a headache.
Sure, my husband’s actions have caused me to be so angry I hurt all over, but it was wrong, and IS wrong. I am not to scream at him because of his behaviors. Yes, Jesus got angry—that might shock a few of you who believe He never raised His voice, but Jesus did get angry. (Matthew 23:17 is one example). But there is a BIG difference between the anger Christ had in that scripture and the anger I’ve held in my heart concerning my husband.
Well guess what’s God’s answer is to all this anger? Guess what He says we’re suppose to do in troubled times. He says get mad and beat His love into those who do you wrong.
Oh LORD how I WISH that statement was true!! I can do that without a hitch and no sweat. After all, it’s easier that way. Not to look at our own self and beat others down.
No, in truth God tells us to pray for those who do you wrong; LOVE our enemies. Gad, it makes my whole body rebel at the very idea! But God’s word says Love never fails and because God can’t lie, I have to believe He’s right but I didn’t jump on that band wagon without years of doing things my way. In fact, as I write this I’m just now reaching the place of surrendering to God and telling him, “Alright, Lord. I have reached the end of my rope. I’ve done everything within my power to change Alan and I’m ready to admit I can do nothing without you.”
I use to think I was better than my husband, but now I know I’m a square block and God had placed Alan in my life as His sandpaper in order to sand away those rough edges. It’s not painless, but I was in a lot more pain when I was doing things my way, and although I might, in the eyes of others around me, had a right to my anger I didn’t, and don’t. God’s word; nay, the very prayer uttered in every Christian church in the world at one time or other, states within it, “Forgive US our trespasses AS WE FORGIVE others.”
Did you notice earlier I’d described the toilet as looking as though it were beyond salvation? In a way that’s how many people will view others. A view, I’m ashamed to say, includes most American Christians. (I’ll get into that in one of my other writings.) Alan is a very different person. It is hard for outsiders not to judge him, and harder still for insiders not to write him off. He doesn’t fit the mold we associate with ‘normal’ people, and when he continues in the behavior no one wants to be around him. During those years the expression, “What Would Jesus Do”?—WWJD—was a BIG thing. I heard it all around me and yet these same people, who loved to quote it, didn’t seem to be trying to apply Christ’s actions toward Alan and guess what. Though I didn’t chirp that slogan I was just as guilty as the worst of them because not only was I his wife, I two knew God’s word and God’s word commands us (it’s not a suggestion) that we love one another, just as He loves us.
Well, you can bet your sweet biffy I have been guilty of the judgmental, I’m better than the next guy because I know God’s word and I’m right, damn it, attitude and it’s not the attitude of Christ He wants us to have. No one sees Jesus in us when we’re so spiritual it could cause Tylenol to have a headache.
Sure, my husband’s actions have caused me to be so angry I hurt all over, but it was wrong, and IS wrong. I am not to scream at him because of his behaviors. Yes, Jesus got angry—that might shock a few of you who believe He never raised His voice, but Jesus did get angry. (Matthew 23:17 is one example). But there is a BIG difference between the anger Christ had in that scripture and the anger I’ve held in my heart concerning my husband.
Well guess what’s God’s answer is to all this anger? Guess what He says we’re suppose to do in troubled times. He says get mad and beat His love into those who do you wrong.
Oh LORD how I WISH that statement was true!! I can do that without a hitch and no sweat. After all, it’s easier that way. Not to look at our own self and beat others down.
No, in truth God tells us to pray for those who do you wrong; LOVE our enemies. Gad, it makes my whole body rebel at the very idea! But God’s word says Love never fails and because God can’t lie, I have to believe He’s right but I didn’t jump on that band wagon without years of doing things my way. In fact, as I write this I’m just now reaching the place of surrendering to God and telling him, “Alright, Lord. I have reached the end of my rope. I’ve done everything within my power to change Alan and I’m ready to admit I can do nothing without you.”
I use to think I was better than my husband, but now I know I’m a square block and God had placed Alan in my life as His sandpaper in order to sand away those rough edges. It’s not painless, but I was in a lot more pain when I was doing things my way, and although I might, in the eyes of others around me, had a right to my anger I didn’t, and don’t. God’s word; nay, the very prayer uttered in every Christian church in the world at one time or other, states within it, “Forgive US our trespasses AS WE FORGIVE others.”
Sunday, December 20, 2009
(6)
Forget the big white castle and picket fence. Reality hits regardless if you want it to or not.
Before the marriage took place I began noticing other things about Alan that caused me to wonder if he’d been dropped on the head as a child. (Side note; don’t ask soon to be mother-in-law if her child HAD been dropped on the head. I did. Fortunately she didn’t get angry, but her face expression told me I shouldn’t have asked.)
I’d told Alan there was no way I would be moving into that apartment with him after the marriage if a) I wasn’t allowed to clean it up. b) The bathroom wasn’t remodeled.
Folks, I am not a spend money like crazy kind of person. And I’ve never had to have the best. I don’t even like jewelry and his folks owned a jewelry store. I certainly wasn’t asking for a complete new bathroom because I was the Wicket Witch of the North but my lord; that floor in the bathroom was squishy. The ceiling was pealing, the sink and toilet bowel had calcium deposit and inch thick and don’t forget the stench I mentioned earlier. The bathroom was where the over flowing litter box was located, although I doubt very much his cat had used it in the past decade.
You get the picture. It was bad. Soon to be husband couldn’t fathom what in the word I was talking about. Honestly. He simply cannot SEE issues involving garbage. I also suspect he was afraid he’d have to get his hands dirty. He is not a labor intense person, and as the years progressed it was to discover he has Obsessive Compulsive Behavior. (Not the DISORDER. There is a difference and I’m still learning how to understand that.) Oh yeah, and he’s Attention Deficit too. These things were diagnosed years after our marriage.
We’ll go back to the bathroom, if you can stomach going there again. I finally convince him to allow a friend of mine to look at it who was a contractor, and we would abide by his decision. When my friend arrived and he stepped into the bathroom—by the way, I HAD warned him ahead of time but sometimes seeing is believing—he told Alan within two seconds, “Alan, buddy. This floor is rotted through and the only reason it hasn’t broken through is because hey, you’re already in the basement. It can’t go any farther.”
To save money I gutted the place out by myself. Every inch of plaster and plaster board was removed so Mark (my friend) could put in the new floor and sheetrock. Now, I mentioned the calcium buildup. Mark suggested we get a different toilet since the one there was, to his eyes and mine, way beyond salvation. Alan wouldn’t hear of it because to him, there was nothing wrong with it. In an attempt to find a way to restore the poor commode I discovered a product that did the trick so well that when Mark saw the toilet he honestly believe it was brand new one.
Forget the big white castle and picket fence. Reality hits regardless if you want it to or not.
Before the marriage took place I began noticing other things about Alan that caused me to wonder if he’d been dropped on the head as a child. (Side note; don’t ask soon to be mother-in-law if her child HAD been dropped on the head. I did. Fortunately she didn’t get angry, but her face expression told me I shouldn’t have asked.)
I’d told Alan there was no way I would be moving into that apartment with him after the marriage if a) I wasn’t allowed to clean it up. b) The bathroom wasn’t remodeled.
Folks, I am not a spend money like crazy kind of person. And I’ve never had to have the best. I don’t even like jewelry and his folks owned a jewelry store. I certainly wasn’t asking for a complete new bathroom because I was the Wicket Witch of the North but my lord; that floor in the bathroom was squishy. The ceiling was pealing, the sink and toilet bowel had calcium deposit and inch thick and don’t forget the stench I mentioned earlier. The bathroom was where the over flowing litter box was located, although I doubt very much his cat had used it in the past decade.
You get the picture. It was bad. Soon to be husband couldn’t fathom what in the word I was talking about. Honestly. He simply cannot SEE issues involving garbage. I also suspect he was afraid he’d have to get his hands dirty. He is not a labor intense person, and as the years progressed it was to discover he has Obsessive Compulsive Behavior. (Not the DISORDER. There is a difference and I’m still learning how to understand that.) Oh yeah, and he’s Attention Deficit too. These things were diagnosed years after our marriage.
We’ll go back to the bathroom, if you can stomach going there again. I finally convince him to allow a friend of mine to look at it who was a contractor, and we would abide by his decision. When my friend arrived and he stepped into the bathroom—by the way, I HAD warned him ahead of time but sometimes seeing is believing—he told Alan within two seconds, “Alan, buddy. This floor is rotted through and the only reason it hasn’t broken through is because hey, you’re already in the basement. It can’t go any farther.”
To save money I gutted the place out by myself. Every inch of plaster and plaster board was removed so Mark (my friend) could put in the new floor and sheetrock. Now, I mentioned the calcium buildup. Mark suggested we get a different toilet since the one there was, to his eyes and mine, way beyond salvation. Alan wouldn’t hear of it because to him, there was nothing wrong with it. In an attempt to find a way to restore the poor commode I discovered a product that did the trick so well that when Mark saw the toilet he honestly believe it was brand new one.
Friday, December 18, 2009
(5)
I do want to say that what I have considered hell and a living nightmare for the past fourteen years is nothing compared to woman out there, and some men as well, who have suffered physical abuse from a spouse or significant other. If you are in an abusive relationship you need to get out now! Find some way to breakaway, but go. If you have been seeking God regarding the relationship there’s His answer. Yes. He CAN and WILL work things out but He in NO WAY asks you to suffer beatings.
That said I will acknowledge that in light of what others are going through, and have gone through, my situation dims. If I took a step back as a by stander I can see that the issues I’ve had with my husband aren’t as big as I’ve made them. But when one is going through a vat of crap they have a hard time seeing the roses on the other side of the swamp. I’m trying hard to keep my focus on the rose; that being Christ.
The first time we went to the river together, one hot sunny afternoon, the next thing I knew he shed his clothes, looked at my swim suite and said, “Aren’t you going to take that off?”
Was he kidding me? 1) I might have been a little thinner than I am now but ah, no. Sorry. This ONE piece was to COVER; not reveal. 2) We are in conservative North Dakota. People do NOT take their clothes off outdoors. ESPECIALLY not along the shores of the Missouri River with boaters passing by and could see us as plain as day. 3) We were NOT in a physical relationship and obviously he was comfortable with his body parts waving in the wind but not me.
So….he lived like a slob and was a nudist. This could NOT be happening to me and honestly, I didn’t know what to think.
We’ll fast forward to the day he asked me to marry him. Actually, he STILL hasn’t asked. He came over to the house, handed me a box and said, “Here”. Oh yeah, it was a little ring box. I knew what it was and my heart dropped. All I could think was, “God, THIS is the guy you have for me?” Why? WHY!?
Well, my folks were upstairs, my dad’s health was poor and I knew he didn’t have long to live. I’d always had a close relationship with my dad, and I knew more than anything he was hoping to see me at least engaged to someone before he passed away although I can guarantee you, he would have been extremely saddened to have seen me go through what I’ve experienced. I know that had he not passed away before my wedding day came I probably wouldn’t have married Alan. However, dad passed away before the event, and even though my own Pastor told me during our marriage counseling that he didn’t want to marry me to Alan because I’d be miserable for the rest of my life but that it was my choice.
My choice wasn’t what I’d bargained for and I’m praying God’s going to be reversing that curse soon.
I do want to say that what I have considered hell and a living nightmare for the past fourteen years is nothing compared to woman out there, and some men as well, who have suffered physical abuse from a spouse or significant other. If you are in an abusive relationship you need to get out now! Find some way to breakaway, but go. If you have been seeking God regarding the relationship there’s His answer. Yes. He CAN and WILL work things out but He in NO WAY asks you to suffer beatings.
That said I will acknowledge that in light of what others are going through, and have gone through, my situation dims. If I took a step back as a by stander I can see that the issues I’ve had with my husband aren’t as big as I’ve made them. But when one is going through a vat of crap they have a hard time seeing the roses on the other side of the swamp. I’m trying hard to keep my focus on the rose; that being Christ.
The first time we went to the river together, one hot sunny afternoon, the next thing I knew he shed his clothes, looked at my swim suite and said, “Aren’t you going to take that off?”
Was he kidding me? 1) I might have been a little thinner than I am now but ah, no. Sorry. This ONE piece was to COVER; not reveal. 2) We are in conservative North Dakota. People do NOT take their clothes off outdoors. ESPECIALLY not along the shores of the Missouri River with boaters passing by and could see us as plain as day. 3) We were NOT in a physical relationship and obviously he was comfortable with his body parts waving in the wind but not me.
So….he lived like a slob and was a nudist. This could NOT be happening to me and honestly, I didn’t know what to think.
We’ll fast forward to the day he asked me to marry him. Actually, he STILL hasn’t asked. He came over to the house, handed me a box and said, “Here”. Oh yeah, it was a little ring box. I knew what it was and my heart dropped. All I could think was, “God, THIS is the guy you have for me?” Why? WHY!?
Well, my folks were upstairs, my dad’s health was poor and I knew he didn’t have long to live. I’d always had a close relationship with my dad, and I knew more than anything he was hoping to see me at least engaged to someone before he passed away although I can guarantee you, he would have been extremely saddened to have seen me go through what I’ve experienced. I know that had he not passed away before my wedding day came I probably wouldn’t have married Alan. However, dad passed away before the event, and even though my own Pastor told me during our marriage counseling that he didn’t want to marry me to Alan because I’d be miserable for the rest of my life but that it was my choice.
My choice wasn’t what I’d bargained for and I’m praying God’s going to be reversing that curse soon.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
(4)
I would very much like to say I had a love at first site experience when I first met Alan however, the truth is I thought he was a bit geeky and yet I told myself I was no Farrah Fawcett and to at least give him a chance.
The first ‘date’ was a blind one. He drove up to my parent’s house and took me to the movie, Mrs. DoubtFire. The fact he’d held the door open for me caused me to believe he was a gentleman so at least he had one quality I’d always hoped for in a man. After the movie we went to his home which was actually an apartment in the basement of a house he owned.
As we walked down the stairs from the garage I couldn’t help but notice the stench of cat urine growing stronger with each step. When he opened the door my eyes began to water from the odor and I won’t get into the amount of garbage littering the place was. He had to move junk from an outdoor patio couch for a place for us to sit. I kept asking myself why on earth this was happening, and I didn’t want to offend him regardless of the fact the stench in the place was offending me, but after a half hour I asked him to take me home.
It took me two days to get the small out of my nostrils.
I wasn’t sure what to think other than after all these years it was someone who didn’t seem to mind being with me, so when he did call again I did go out with him.
Some of you, ok—MOST of you—woman would have written him off after the first date. I simply couldn’t for the very fact he’d been the ONLY guy to come into my life and I was in my thirty’s.
Note: Desperation often causes us more trouble than we ever intended to happen.
Anyway, there were a few times we’d go out with his friends; sit at a restaurant and all I could think was, “Oh my God, I’m sitting at the geek table!” I saw people around us glance our way. His best friend has a laugh that causes my spine to stiffen and it’s booming; able to go through brick walls. Still I reminded myself not to be judgmental. Who was I? Perhaps I was ‘geeky’ too though I’d never considered myself a part of that category. People were people, and these people were friendly if not a bit odd….It is hard to get past the attitude of thinking I was better than anyone else because I wasn’t, nor will I ever be. But that’s part of that whole pride factor and I needed to work on then, and still do today.
During this time of ‘dating’ I kept having these warning bells go off in my heart yet ignored because I was struggling against the pride thing, and believing this was God’s best for me. When summer came and we went to the river together for the first time I discovered a quirk of his that really caused the caution flag to come out. If I’d only heeded it I wouldn’t have gone though almost 14 years of hell….
I would very much like to say I had a love at first site experience when I first met Alan however, the truth is I thought he was a bit geeky and yet I told myself I was no Farrah Fawcett and to at least give him a chance.
The first ‘date’ was a blind one. He drove up to my parent’s house and took me to the movie, Mrs. DoubtFire. The fact he’d held the door open for me caused me to believe he was a gentleman so at least he had one quality I’d always hoped for in a man. After the movie we went to his home which was actually an apartment in the basement of a house he owned.
As we walked down the stairs from the garage I couldn’t help but notice the stench of cat urine growing stronger with each step. When he opened the door my eyes began to water from the odor and I won’t get into the amount of garbage littering the place was. He had to move junk from an outdoor patio couch for a place for us to sit. I kept asking myself why on earth this was happening, and I didn’t want to offend him regardless of the fact the stench in the place was offending me, but after a half hour I asked him to take me home.
It took me two days to get the small out of my nostrils.
I wasn’t sure what to think other than after all these years it was someone who didn’t seem to mind being with me, so when he did call again I did go out with him.
Some of you, ok—MOST of you—woman would have written him off after the first date. I simply couldn’t for the very fact he’d been the ONLY guy to come into my life and I was in my thirty’s.
Note: Desperation often causes us more trouble than we ever intended to happen.
Anyway, there were a few times we’d go out with his friends; sit at a restaurant and all I could think was, “Oh my God, I’m sitting at the geek table!” I saw people around us glance our way. His best friend has a laugh that causes my spine to stiffen and it’s booming; able to go through brick walls. Still I reminded myself not to be judgmental. Who was I? Perhaps I was ‘geeky’ too though I’d never considered myself a part of that category. People were people, and these people were friendly if not a bit odd….It is hard to get past the attitude of thinking I was better than anyone else because I wasn’t, nor will I ever be. But that’s part of that whole pride factor and I needed to work on then, and still do today.
During this time of ‘dating’ I kept having these warning bells go off in my heart yet ignored because I was struggling against the pride thing, and believing this was God’s best for me. When summer came and we went to the river together for the first time I discovered a quirk of his that really caused the caution flag to come out. If I’d only heeded it I wouldn’t have gone though almost 14 years of hell….
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