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I do want to say that what I have considered hell and a living nightmare for the past fourteen years is nothing compared to woman out there, and some men as well, who have suffered physical abuse from a spouse or significant other. If you are in an abusive relationship you need to get out now! Find some way to breakaway, but go. If you have been seeking God regarding the relationship there’s His answer. Yes. He CAN and WILL work things out but He in NO WAY asks you to suffer beatings.

That said I will acknowledge that in light of what others are going through, and have gone through, my situation dims. If I took a step back as a by stander I can see that the issues I’ve had with my husband aren’t as big as I’ve made them. But when one is going through a vat of crap they have a hard time seeing the roses on the other side of the swamp. I’m trying hard to keep my focus on the rose; that being Christ.

The first time we went to the river together, one hot sunny afternoon, the next thing I knew he shed his clothes, looked at my swim suite and said, “Aren’t you going to take that off?”

Was he kidding me? 1) I might have been a little thinner than I am now but ah, no. Sorry. This ONE piece was to COVER; not reveal. 2) We are in conservative North Dakota. People do NOT take their clothes off outdoors. ESPECIALLY not along the shores of the Missouri River with boaters passing by and could see us as plain as day. 3) We were NOT in a physical relationship and obviously he was comfortable with his body parts waving in the wind but not me.

So….he lived like a slob and was a nudist. This could NOT be happening to me and honestly, I didn’t know what to think.

We’ll fast forward to the day he asked me to marry him. Actually, he STILL hasn’t asked. He came over to the house, handed me a box and said, “Here”. Oh yeah, it was a little ring box. I knew what it was and my heart dropped. All I could think was, “God, THIS is the guy you have for me?” Why? WHY!?

Well, my folks were upstairs, my dad’s health was poor and I knew he didn’t have long to live. I’d always had a close relationship with my dad, and I knew more than anything he was hoping to see me at least engaged to someone before he passed away although I can guarantee you, he would have been extremely saddened to have seen me go through what I’ve experienced. I know that had he not passed away before my wedding day came I probably wouldn’t have married Alan. However, dad passed away before the event, and even though my own Pastor told me during our marriage counseling that he didn’t want to marry me to Alan because I’d be miserable for the rest of my life but that it was my choice.

My choice wasn’t what I’d bargained for and I’m praying God’s going to be reversing that curse soon.