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Did you notice earlier I’d described the toilet as looking as though it were beyond salvation? In a way that’s how many people will view others. A view, I’m ashamed to say, includes most American Christians. (I’ll get into that in one of my other writings.) Alan is a very different person. It is hard for outsiders not to judge him, and harder still for insiders not to write him off. He doesn’t fit the mold we associate with ‘normal’ people, and when he continues in the behavior no one wants to be around him. During those years the expression, “What Would Jesus Do”?—WWJD—was a BIG thing. I heard it all around me and yet these same people, who loved to quote it, didn’t seem to be trying to apply Christ’s actions toward Alan and guess what. Though I didn’t chirp that slogan I was just as guilty as the worst of them because not only was I his wife, I two knew God’s word and God’s word commands us (it’s not a suggestion) that we love one another, just as He loves us.

Well, you can bet your sweet biffy I have been guilty of the judgmental, I’m better than the next guy because I know God’s word and I’m right, damn it, attitude and it’s not the attitude of Christ He wants us to have. No one sees Jesus in us when we’re so spiritual it could cause Tylenol to have a headache.

Sure, my husband’s actions have caused me to be so angry I hurt all over, but it was wrong, and IS wrong. I am not to scream at him because of his behaviors. Yes, Jesus got angry—that might shock a few of you who believe He never raised His voice, but Jesus did get angry. (Matthew 23:17 is one example). But there is a BIG difference between the anger Christ had in that scripture and the anger I’ve held in my heart concerning my husband.

Well guess what’s God’s answer is to all this anger? Guess what He says we’re suppose to do in troubled times. He says get mad and beat His love into those who do you wrong.

Oh LORD how I WISH that statement was true!! I can do that without a hitch and no sweat. After all, it’s easier that way. Not to look at our own self and beat others down.

No, in truth God tells us to pray for those who do you wrong; LOVE our enemies. Gad, it makes my whole body rebel at the very idea! But God’s word says Love never fails and because God can’t lie, I have to believe He’s right but I didn’t jump on that band wagon without years of doing things my way. In fact, as I write this I’m just now reaching the place of surrendering to God and telling him, “Alright, Lord. I have reached the end of my rope. I’ve done everything within my power to change Alan and I’m ready to admit I can do nothing without you.”

I use to think I was better than my husband, but now I know I’m a square block and God had placed Alan in my life as His sandpaper in order to sand away those rough edges. It’s not painless, but I was in a lot more pain when I was doing things my way, and although I might, in the eyes of others around me, had a right to my anger I didn’t, and don’t. God’s word; nay, the very prayer uttered in every Christian church in the world at one time or other, states within it, “Forgive US our trespasses AS WE FORGIVE others.”